ooh la la! the chanel of chocolate

There are just a few days left to eat anything you want before that pesky New Year’s resolution kicks in. You could have leftover pie and cookies — they’re still mostly fresh. Or, you could get that calorie overload in style with some ultra-chic chocolate. And when it comes to couture chocolate, Vosges and its Exotic Chocolate Bar selection take the triple-fudge, devil’s food cake.

We created our very own, super-scientific Extreme Chocolate Tasting with the Evite staff to find out the answers to serious questions like: Would Applewood smoked bacon be as tasty in chocolate as it is on its own? How do kalamata olives taste in a bath of white chocolate? Read on to find out what we thought of some of Vosges’ more unusual flavors, written up Zagat-style with real quotes from real Eviters.

death by chocolate?

Red Fire:
Mexican ancho and chipotle chilies, Ceylon cinnamon in dark chocolate
“Va va voom!” With this flavor, the “spiciness kicked in when the chocolate melted.” While most loved how the “mild spice bloomed into heat,” a couple tasters thought this was “too hot” for their liking. Its subtly crunchy texture was “almost like little bits of cinnamon Red Hots,” according to one taster. Overall, this “hot chocolate” was a favorite among the Evite crowd.

Favorite stand-alone comment: “Hit me one time! Me likey!”

Mo’s Bacon: Applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt in deep milk chocolate
I guess Voges operates under the assumption of “chocolate — good, bacon — good.” So they put the two together in a “sweet and salty masterpiece” that was clearly a love-it-or-hate-it flavor in our group. Even before tasting, the bar had a “deliciously smoky smell” that “complemented the bits of salty goodness,” which were wrapped in the “sweet milk chocolate.” But another taster lamented, “Bacon bits in chocolate is just a waste of good chocolate.”

Favorite stand-alone comment: “Two things that aren’t good for you in an unholy union, cut into a square. Awesome.”

d’Oliva: Dried kalamata olives in Venezuelan white chocolate
Most agreed that the “creamy white chocolate” was “excellent in flavor and texture,” but the sweet-to-salty ratio got mixed reviews. Some thought the “sweet white chocolate with salty olive” combo was “too salty,” while others “loved the saltiness” and “wanted even more olives.” Final consensus: Good for those who like sweet-and-savory combinations, and not so much for those who don’t.

Favorite stand-alone comment: “Not as complementary as, say, peanut butter. Reese’s has nothing to fear.”

Evite loves a party

Espresso, cocoa nibs, New Orleans-style chicory in bittersweet chocolate
The adjectives describing this flavor were similar to how you hear people describe coffee: “Smooth” from those who enjoyed it, and “bitter” from those who didn’t. More than one person commented that the chicory gave the chocolate a “burnt” aftertaste, while another noted it as “bark-like, but quite pleasant.” This was one of the more “mellow and subtle” flavors we tested.

Favorite stand-alone comment: “Unimaginative coffee grounds in chocolate. Boo."

Black Pearl:  Ginger, wasabi, black sesame seeds in dark chocolate
The ginger and wasabi against the dark chocolate were “not as overwhelming as one might think.” Many noted more ginger than wasabi, so “take heed if you’re not a ginger fan.” Tasters described this flavor as “exotic” and felt that the “ginger paired unexpectedly well with the bittersweet flavor of the chocolate.” One advised to “give this spicy and complex some time” because it “starts out a bit awkwardly, but after a few seconds on your tongue, it blends like a dream.”

Favorite stand-alone comment: “Tastes very much like if a plant made chocolate-wasabi babies. Wasaaaaaaaaaabi!”